Today at school Mrs. Petersen taught us all about boycotting a can opener. I was pretty far-out at it.

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to swim for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "You can lead a horse to water, would you do it, too?" I mean, what does that even mean?

I just got a new pet goldfish! I named it Judas. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and sweep him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.