I just got a new pet boa constrictor! I named it Mrs. Cutesworth. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and brush him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.

That big bully Ricky McCartney took my lunch money and tore up my copy of Fightin' Pickles Slade and the Unimaginable Bandits today. I hate him so much! Mr. Stephenson says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his lower back in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some ion-fu lessons.