We had some guy from the college come today and talk about pledging Chi Alpha Upsilon, the big fraternity over there. I said I had enough friends without buying any, which was pretty funny, until he said he could tell that wasn't true just looking at me. It would've been okay if my former best friend Chuckie Dixon had stuck up for me. Whatever. I have friends! I've got you, anyway.

That big bully Mikey Garfield took my lunch money and tore up my copy of Sergeant Shane Sloan and the Four-Color Cats today. I hate him so much! Mr. McLaughlin says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his lower gastrointestinal tract in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some orm-fu lessons.