We had some guy from the college come today and talk about pledging Pi Epsilon Tau, the big fraternity over there. I said I had enough friends without buying any, which was pretty funny, until he said he could tell that wasn't true just looking at me. It would've been okay if my former best friend Joey O'Neill had stuck up for me. Whatever. I have friends! I've got you, anyway.

That big bully Charlie Clinton took my lunch money and tore up my copy of The Bizarre Adventures of Dunstan Gently and the Space Brigade today. I hate him so much! Mr. McCormick says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his butt in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some uvel-fu lessons.