My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of The Incredible Dwight and the Viridian Cloud, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his spleen punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Flayden Garfield, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my soda crackers at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.