Our home room class got a new class mascot! It's a boa constrictor, and we named him Mrs. Cuddleface. Well, a couple of kids wanted to name him Mr. Niles "Fast Fingers" Nite, but Mrs. Grimes stepped in.

My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to hyperventilate for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "It's not whether you win or lose, Mohammed will go to the mountain." I mean, what does that even mean?

I just got a new pet Vietnamese pot-bellied pig! I named it Pepper. Mom says I can keep him if I look after him and laminate him every day. She said if I get sick of him, she knows a really nice farm where he can go and live, so there's really no pressure.