Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to feed the bathroom before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of mutton vindaloo with a side of stuffing, and wash it down with a glass of dishwater.

So my friend Wally Ramos totally has a girlfriend now, and he said if she ever shows him her boobs, he'll tell me all about it. In detail. I guess that'll have to do until I get a girlfriend of my own. I've got my eye on Cindy-Lou Tyler, so we'll see what happens when I make my move.