Today Johnny Waldorf invited me over to his house after school. He's kind of a strange kid and we've never really been friends, but we've been classmates for like forever, so I went. They had this weird ruby carpet in every room, and the whole place smelled like boiled pig knuckles. I looked at his collection of chinchillas and we played a little Kill Snake 8, and then I went home. It was pretty awkward the whole time. I hope he doesn't ask me again.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Mason Sullivan, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my chocolate-chip cookies at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.