It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Petersen, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and mop the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Today Larry Hernandez invited me over to his house after school. He's kind of a strange kid and we've never really been friends, but we've been classmates for like forever, so I went. They had this weird lilac carpet in every room, and the whole place smelled like boiled parsnips. I looked at his collection of rabbits and we played a little Mind Combat 7, and then I went home. It was pretty awkward the whole time. I hope he doesn't ask me again.

Mom kept pestering me to laminate dad's feet while I was playing Gears of Warfare 5 today. I tried to tell her I was in the middle of a boss fight, but she made me do it anyway. She said "Ask a silly question, Mohammed will go to the mountain." I have no idea what she's talking about when she says stuff like that. Sometimes I wonder if I'm adopted.