After school, I usually hang out with my friends, unless they ask me if I want to do drugs. Then I say, "I like you, but I don't like drugs. Let's calculate actuarial tables instead!" That usually cures my problem of having any friends.

Can you help me settle an argument? The gang is having a big debate over what candy is the All-Time Best Candy Ever: Bitter Sweet Lumps, Sour Sour Pellets, or Smooth Corn Twists. (Marky Franklin says it's Flaming Sweet Ropes. Ha ha yeah right!)