My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of Fist-Fighting Ted and the Aquamarine Squad, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his lung punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.

So my friend Nate Wolf totally has a girlfriend now, and he said if she ever shows him her boobs, he'll tell me all about it. In detail. I guess that'll have to do until I get a girlfriend of my own. I've got my eye on Amy McDonald, so we'll see what happens when I make my move.