| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Stoatsford, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a tattooed, comely squire. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Having heard many rumors about how Bacon was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding gangsters (who had already looted and burned the villages of Spazmotic, Piehole, and Frog), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the groin of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got lost in a tomb -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet 10' pole +1 in a rakshasa's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some goblins into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the ear. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless gangsters and hobgoblins -- even a bugbear! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Demon Lord Battleforbidden, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a iron maiden with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of X'tn'ch'roth and claimed your reward.
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