| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Ov'reezy is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. In the fiefdom of Delawhat, in the unpleasant-smelling backwater of Madlib, you found an inn with cheap barley pop and spent the night carousing. There, you heard a tale of the forgotten treasure of the Gold River, lost for ages during the time of the great reaping. You decided to seek the treasure yourself, heedless of the literal mountain of skeletons of those who had tried before you. Everything was going great until you had to actually go in the dungeon. That was when you fell in a sphere of annihilation, got attacked by dire dwarves, and got your groin bitten off by a horse. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your crossbow and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Dark Sorcerer Screamingcaribou's army of underdeveloped kobolds. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil punk into his own succubus, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Routh.
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