| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of desperados and raised in a dark and wild quarry. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. Having heard many rumors about how Crunkleford was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding lizardmen (who had already looted and burned the villages of Flytrap, Hamlet, and Morpork), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the elbow of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You had a good handle on it up until the part where you found yourself trapped between a beartrap and a awkward conversation, with a bugbear bearing down upon you. That strawberry was pretty delicious, but it's didn't really make up for the damage to your kidney. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a milkmaid in some crummy backwater like Flytrap or Frog. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Vampire Devil Lord Unpleasantor, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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