| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Calamaria, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a homely, underdeveloped squire. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Cowpat. There, you met the Dauphin's buxom niece, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Topaz Penguin. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were doing a good job until you got attacked by more tramps than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your foot intact! Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's ruin, dispatching lizardmen left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Ice Lawyer Blackfist. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your magic wand into his giblets. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil fatty was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Bafflesbury.
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