| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Whacking, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as how they get the cream filling inside the snack cakes. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Waxton, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Ironforge, and heard the local seamstress talking about the ancient tower that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Topaz Idol of Englebert that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. You were doing a good job up until the part where you found yourself trapped between a swinging razor-sharp pendulum and a crocodile's mouth, with a gazebo bearing down upon you. That strawberry was pretty delicious, but it's didn't really make up for the damage to your bung. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a midwife in some crummy backwater like Pittsburgh or Stubborn Mule. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Blood Sorcerer Hatecougar, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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