| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Rock the Baby the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Bacon Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Pi of Silver and could set out to make your fortune. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Pittsburgh. There, you met a farmer's drunken stepchild, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Azure Elephant seal. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. Everything was hunky-dory until you got attacked by more jerks than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your giblets intact! Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's strip mall, dispatching jocks left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Evil Lawyer Grognard. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your morningstar into his elbow. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil git was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Farnsworthington.
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