| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Waltermatthau is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Bobcat, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of sarsaparilla. He told you about the great plague of swine that had beset the entire region of Lurkmoor, and of the rumor that the evil Wizard Dave was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. You were rocking the house until you got your knee caught in a vending machine and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a barber in some crummy backwater like Whacking or Klatch. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Ice Lawyer Goldthwait, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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