| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Walk the Dog the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Waxtoff Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Zeta of Silver and could set out to make your fortune. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Phlegm. There, you met the Marquis of Kilmer's serpent-tongued son, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Diamond Moose. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. At first it was a real breeze, but you soon were confounded by a fiendish guess-which-of-these-bottles-is-poison puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were furious as an underfed dog. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's dungeon, dispatching kobolds left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Grim Sorcerer Shredmandible. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your spear into his lower back. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil wanker was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Crunkleton.
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