| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Pittsburgh, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as why old sitcoms are never as good as you remember them being. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Spazmotic. There, you met the Lord of Stoatsford's bright-eyed cousin, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Amethyst Raven. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house until you dropped your spear in a cheese-grater and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the thieves showed up. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your club and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Black Warlock Grognard's army of bright-eyed orcs. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil hick into his own vending machine, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Claremont.
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