| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of thieves and raised in a dark and wild cave. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Swampleton, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Mudhole, and heard the local serf talking about the ancient tomb that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Topaz Idol of Arc'klor that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. It wasn't a thing until you got your throat caught in a beartrap and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's tower, dispatching dark elves left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Horror Barbarian Diabolicus. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your "Rod of Lordly Might" (if you know what I mean) into his lower back. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil asshat was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Keaton.
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