| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of accountants and raised in a dark and wild mineshaft. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Kilmer in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Kilmer you heard a town crier shouting about how the the town crier's skeletal son had been kidnapped by dire dwarves, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. Everything was going great but you soon were confounded by a fiendish series of carefully timed jumps puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were unhappy as an underfed dog. But, you put on your brave face, and made your way through the caverns and caves to where the Blood Warlock Diabolico held court over his horde of underdeveloped hobos, and with uncountable swings of your crossbow (and a few well-placed attacks of opportunity), you finally slew the horrible lunatic and rode back to town to claim your glory (and reward).
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