| It was hard growing up as a town crier's son in the tiny hamlet of Dogspittle, in the land of Shamablamaroth. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Pittsburgh when you met the town cook. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the barman's skeletal grandmother, who had been kidnapped by thieves. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. At first it was a real breeze, but then you wandered into a room totally full of accountants, plus a mind flayer, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless orcs and dark elves -- even a flesh golem! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Death Wizard Evilthing, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a succubus with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Hamonrye and claimed your reward.
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