| Due to a misunderstanding, your aunt enrolled you in Farc'b'n Wizard School at a young age. (You were actually just interested in cupping your balls.) Still, you graduated with high marks, and set out on your first adventure as a full-fledged Wizard. As you wandered the back alleys of Stubborn Mule (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned tannery. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Red Dark blood. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the Sultan's lost kitten, Updike. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. It was pretty easy, up until the part where you found yourself trapped between a beartrap and a succubus, with a bole slaad bearing down upon you. That strawberry was pretty delicious, but it's didn't really make up for the damage to your foot. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for orcs, you made your way to the lair of Black Barbarian Grognard and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul bugbear to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your sword and knocked the villain screaming into a cheese-grater with a well-placed kick to the shoulder. At last, the treasure was yours!
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