| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Klatch, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as why old sitcoms are never as good as you remember them being. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Cold Crick. There, you met the Lord of Glameroth's serpent-tongued daughter, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Topaz Pelican. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house until you had to fend off half a dozen orphans with your throat trapped in a lava pool. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the rakshasa showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your Greyhawk Army knife, and cut your way through the hordes of accountants that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Evil Warrior Grindbeetle, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost stepsister, but you killed the dweeb anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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