| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of ents and raised in a dark and wild mansion. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Spazmotic, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of zima. He told you about the great plague of salamanders that had beset the entire region of Pinochle, and of the rumor that the evil Giant Krampus was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. Everything was going great but you soon were confounded by a fiendish series of carefully timed jumps puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were disappointed as an underfed hamster. But, you put on your brave face, and made your way through the caverns and caves to where the Fire Wizard Badfella held court over his horde of quarter-witted jerks, and with uncountable swings of your sack of doorknobs (and a few well-placed attacks of opportunity), you finally slew the horrible asshat and rode back to town to claim your glory (and reward).
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