| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Three Leaf Clover the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Routh Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Upsilon of Amethyst and could set out to make your fortune. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Klatch, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of sack. He told you about the great plague of swine that had beset the entire region of Farnsworthington, and of the rumor that the evil Knight Diabolico was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. Everything was going great until you had to fend off half a dozen bandits with your lower back trapped in a meat grinder. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the cockatrice showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless jocks and indigent native tribesmen -- even a shoggoth! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Blood King Unpleasantor, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a lava pool with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Ov'reezy and claimed your reward.
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