| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Hambonia is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. As luck would have it, you found yourself wandering through the sleepy village of Bobcat just as the village people (you know, the construction worker, the cop, the Indian) were beset by the evil Sorcerer Hasslehoff, who had poisoned the town's gerbil population. Against your better judgment (and with the hope of fat loot to come), you agreed to try and bring the villain to justice. You weren't having any problems until you got your head caught in a awkward conversation and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for dire dwarves, you made your way to the lair of Vampire Lawyer Krampus and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul gazebo to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your yo-yo and knocked the villain screaming into a awkward conversation with a well-placed kick to the giblets. At last, the treasure was yours!
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