| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Waltermatthau, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a half-witted, red-headed tavernkeep. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Mondale when you met the town village idiot. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the Earl of Eggplanthawk's quarter-witted son, who had been kidnapped by tramps. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. You weren't having any problems until you had to fend off half a dozen tramps with your shoulder trapped in a iron maiden. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the owlbear showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless jocks and desperados -- even a shoggoth! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Skull Wizard Diabolicus, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a crocodile's mouth with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Brazzleton and claimed your reward.
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