| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Three Leaf Clover the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Flanders Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Eta of Emerald and could set out to make your fortune. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Glameroth in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Reeves you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Duke of Zevroozlchester's golden-haired homie had been kidnapped by gnolls, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. There was no drama in the LBC until you got attacked by more barbarians than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your nipple intact! However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a barber in some crummy backwater like Whacking or Cold Crick. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Evil Sorcerer Badfella, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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