| Due to a misunderstanding, your daughter enrolled you in Calamaria Wizard School at a young age. (You were actually just interested in cupping your balls.) Still, you graduated with high marks, and set out on your first adventure as a full-fledged Wizard. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Claremont in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Flabbernathy you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Dauphin's comely niece had been kidnapped by indigent native tribesmen, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. At first it was a real breeze, until you dropped your scythe in a crocodile's mouth and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the bullywugs showed up. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your bastard sword and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Black Lord Savagewind's army of ugly barbarians. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil hoser into his own sphere of annihilation, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Vermilionhawk.
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