It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Roberson, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and hose down the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

Me and Jeffy and Freddy are building this awesome fort out in the woods. We just found a whole buttload of leftover fruitcake, so we're going to use that to make it super-sweet.