Today at school Mrs. Christian taught us all about raising a hair. I was pretty swell at it.

My buddies and I joined an after-school curling team. Oh, I think you call it "lacrosse" over there, is that right? How confusing. Anyway, my mom says I spend way too much time playing video games (I like Steel Steel 8 the best), so I have to play outside so I don't get fat. Whatever! I only weigh 2600 candygrams. I'm not sure how that converts to whatever weight you guys use.

My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of The Fugitive Simon and the Chartreuse Friends, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his brain punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.