We had some guy from the college come today and talk about pledging Upsilon Phi Epsilon, the big fraternity over there. I said I had enough friends without buying any, which was pretty funny, until he said he could tell that wasn't true just looking at me. It would've been okay if my former best friend Henry Bond had stuck up for me. Whatever. I have friends! I've got you, anyway.

My buddies and I joined an after-school kickball team. Oh, I think you call it "kickball" over there, is that right? How confusing. Anyway, my mom says I spend way too much time playing video games (I like Zombie Rising 4 the best), so I have to play outside so I don't get fat. Whatever! I only weigh 2400 candygrams. I'm not sure how that converts to whatever weight you guys use.

My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of The Bizarre Adventures of Nick and the Yellow Object, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his heart punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.