How are things in the Kingdom of Loathing?

Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to scour mom's cuticles before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of boiled cabbage with a side of arugula, and wash it down with a glass of horchata.

Guess what -- me and Matty solved the Mystery of Ghost Creek! It turns out Old Man Jacobson was dressing up as a ghost to try to trick Mrs. McDowell out of her collection of antiques. He said he'd have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for our meddling.

Another!