My mom says I'm playing too many video games and getting too fat. So now when I get home from school, I have to do calisthenics for an hour before she'll let me in the house. I told her that all of my friends are way fatter than I am, and you know what she said? She said, "If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, you'll get a silly answer." I mean, what does that even mean?

The other day I was exploring out by the haunted mineshaft off of Gonzalez Street. My friend Davey says there's a mummy out there, but I don't believe him. I think it's a vampire-wolfman, and I'm gonna catch it!