I got clobbered at duck, duck, goose practice today, because I was watching the cheerleaders practice nearby -- mainly Madison Holloway, but they all look amazing. I'm really jealous of Declan, the only guy cheerleader. He gets to lift the girls up by their butts and all sorts of stuff! I have no idea how he manages to concentrate on the routines.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Hayden Johnson, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my chitterlings at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.