| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Ferris Wheel the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Yarbleshire Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Zeta of Amethyst and could set out to make your fortune. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Schmalbion in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Flanders you heard a town crier shouting about how the a farmer's red-headed stepsister had been kidnapped by hobos, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. At first it was a real breeze, until you got lost in a strip mall -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet bastard sword +1 in a cockatrice's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some gangsters into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the shoulder. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your sword, and cut your way through the hordes of ents that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Grim Overlord Badfella, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost stepchild, but you killed the skank anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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