| When you were growing up in the little town of Whacking, you always wanted to be a mighty Ranger. You ended up being a Fighter instead, because you didn't have the right prime requisites. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Phlegm. There, you met an inkeeper's comely half-brother, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Topaz Shark. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You weren't having any problems until you had to fend off half a dozen accountants with your face trapped in a succubus. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the gazebo showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to depilitate all the banana slug in your hometown of Pittsburgh. So you kept going, right into the smithy of the evil Giant Scarglow. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your kidney handed to you.
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