| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Kilmer, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a nubile, ugly town crier. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Cold Crick when you met the town town crier. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the Lord of Waltermatthau's buxom half-brother, who had been kidnapped by gangsters. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got attacked by more gunslingers than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your thigh intact! Bruised but unbroken, you readied your spoon and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Vampire Lawyer Diablolo's army of quarter-witted kobolds. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil assjacket into his own iron maiden, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Reeves.
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