| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Stoatsford, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a cunning, serpent-tongued cook. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). As luck would have it, you found yourself wandering through the sleepy village of Spazmotic just as the village people (you know, the construction worker, the cop, the Indian) were beset by the evil Devil Lord Hasslehoff, who had poisoned the town's dog population. Against your better judgment (and with the hope of fat loot to come), you agreed to try and bring the villain to justice. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you dropped your morningstar in a meat grinder and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the orphans showed up. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for ents, you made your way to the lair of Evil Overlord Xxyrg and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul mimic to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your spoon and knocked the villain screaming into a antlion pit with a well-placed kick to the arse. At last, the treasure was yours!
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