| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Keaton, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a quarter-witted, drunken village idiot. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). You headed off into the wild wilderness of Brazzleton in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Flabbernathy you heard a town crier shouting about how the a farmer's simple homie had been kidnapped by lizardmen, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. Everything was going great until you had to fend off half a dozen gangsters with your lower back trapped in a swinging razor-sharp pendulum. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the shoggoth showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless ents and dark elves -- even a azure slaad! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Dragon Necromancer Diablolo, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a meat grinder with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Eggshire and claimed your reward.
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