| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Zevroozlchester is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Flaxhawk in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Waxton you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Lord of Lurkmoor's tattooed stepchild had been kidnapped by accountants, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. Everything was going great until you got attacked by more gnolls than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your solar plexus intact! Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless jocks and goblins -- even a shoggoth! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Devil Marquis Hasslehoff, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a iron maiden with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Brazzleton and claimed your reward.
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