| You always knew that the village of Hamlet wasn't big enough for you -- after all, it was just the one hut, and it was a small one. So, when you came of age, you decided to make a name for yourself as a Fighter. (You parents never gave you a name. You were hoping for "Chuck".) As you wandered the back alleys of Pig-in-a-Poke (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned pig stable. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Buff Raven wind. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover a fisherman's lost boa constrictor, Twink. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. It was pretty easy, until you got your nipple caught in a gelatinous cube and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for accountants, you made your way to the lair of Devil Wizard Krampus and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul bulette to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your longbow and knocked the villain screaming into a awkward conversation with a well-placed kick to the thigh. At last, the treasure was yours!
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