| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Warp Drive the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Taintingham Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Iota of Amethyst and could set out to make your fortune. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Malph. There, you met a charwoman's skeletal stepsister, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Ruby Cougar. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got lost in a dungeon -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet "Rod of Lordly Might" (if you know what I mean) +1 in a midnight slaad's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some goblins into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the bung. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your longbow, and cut your way through the hordes of indigent native tribesmen that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Frost Lord Crushmoon, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost stepsister, but you killed the spaz anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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