| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Keaton is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. As luck would have it, you found yourself wandering through the sleepy village of Spazmotic just as the village people (you know, the construction worker, the cop, the Indian) were beset by the evil Marquis Krampus, who had poisoned the town's hissing cockroach population. Against your better judgment (and with the hope of fat loot to come), you agreed to try and bring the villain to justice. There was no drama in the LBC until you dropped your pike in a vending machine and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the orcs showed up. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your spear, and cut your way through the hordes of hobgoblins that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Black Wizard Darkover, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost son, but you killed the idiot anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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