| It was hard growing up as a town crier's son in the tiny hamlet of Dogspittle, in the land of Burglechester. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Pitlick. There, you met the Poo-bah's raven-haired aunt, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Gold Lizard. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You had a good handle on it until you got lost in a necropolis -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet spear +1 in a shoggoth's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some gangsters into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the face. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's tomb, dispatching bullywugs left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Death Lawyer Hasslehoff. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your entrenching tool into his ankle. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil creep was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of New Brunswick.
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