| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of kobolds and raised in a dark and wild mansion. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Pittsburgh when you met the town stableboy. That worthy begged you to try and rescue a farmer's ugly aunt, who had been kidnapped by indigent native tribesmen. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. You were doing really well until you had to fend off half a dozen accountants with your leg trapped in a sphere of annihilation. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the gazebo showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to laminate all the tarantula in your hometown of Bobcat. So you kept going, right into the wagon wash of the evil Warrior Unpleasantor. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your throat handed to you.
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