| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Rock the Baby the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Crunkleton Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Iota of Topaz and could set out to make your fortune. Having heard many rumors about how Goldthwaitia was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding gangsters (who had already looted and burned the villages of Pittsburgh, Ironforge, and Klatch), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the groin of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You were doing really well until you dropped your handaxe in a cheese-grater and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the jocks showed up. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for skeletons, you made your way to the lair of Fire Giant Shredlittle and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul horse to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your brass knuckles and knocked the villain screaming into a beartrap with a well-placed kick to the thigh. At last, the treasure was yours!
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