| It was hard growing up as a midwife's son in the tiny hamlet of Spazmotic, in the land of Bafflesbury. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Rusty Nail when you met the town squire. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the Duke of Hambonia's red-headed son, who had been kidnapped by gnolls. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. It was pretty easy, until you got your lower back caught in a beartrap and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your bardiche, and cut your way through the hordes of accountants that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Dark Warrior Xxyrg, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost niece, but you killed the assface anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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