| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Rock the Baby the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Taintingham Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Chi of Silver and could set out to make your fortune. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Crunkleton in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Shaffly-on-Surrey you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Lord of Seashellbury Grove's skeletal nephew had been kidnapped by thieves, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got attacked by more goblins than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your calf intact! However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a midwife in some crummy backwater like Rusty Nail or Molehill. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Shadow King Hasslehoff, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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