| It was hard growing up as a seamstress's son in the tiny hamlet of Stubborn Mule, in the land of Pinochle. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Piehole. There, you met the Grand Vizier's comely second cousin, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Emerald Beetle. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house but you soon were confounded by a fiendish statue-pushing puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were mad as an underfed parakeet. But, you put on your brave face, and made your way through the caverns and caves to where the Vampire Marquis Bleedlittle held court over his horde of comely goblins, and with uncountable swings of your morningstar (and a few well-placed attacks of opportunity), you finally slew the horrible halfwit and rode back to town to claim your glory (and reward).
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