| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Ferris Wheel the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Lurkmoor Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Upsilon of Amethyst and could set out to make your fortune. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Piehole. There, you met the Grand Vizier's simple stepsister, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Amethyst Albatross. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You had a good handle on it until you had to fend off half a dozen orcs with your lower back trapped in a awkward conversation. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the rakshasa showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for jerks, you made your way to the lair of Grim Barbarian Webfemur and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul lich to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your Greyhawk Army knife and knocked the villain screaming into a cheese-grater with a well-placed kick to the elbow. At last, the treasure was yours!
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