We had to take a physical fitness test in school today. It sucked! I had to run laps until I felt like my eye was going to explode, and then I couldn't do any pull-ups and Coach Pennington called me a lard-ass. I'll bet he's just mad that he didn't make the football team when he was in school, the jerk.

After school, I usually hang out with my friends, unless they ask me if I want to do drugs. Then I say, "I like you, but I don't like drugs. Let's build a house of cards instead!" That usually cures my problem of having any friends.

Life here is the same as it ever was. Every morning, I have to exfoliate the floor before I can eat breakfast. Usually, I have a big plate of shortcake with a side of tomatoes, and wash it down with a glass of squeezings.