I hope your animals are well-groomed. (My teacher, Mrs. Caldwell, said to always be polite.)

After school today, I went down to the corner store to buy some Whirled Corn Shards and the new issue of The Baffling Tales of Shemp Bullet vs. the Fantastic Fiends, but it turned out I didn't have any money! Mom won't give me an advance on my allowance unless I scour the dog. Consarnit!

So my friend Charlie Watson totally has a girlfriend now, and he said if she ever shows him her boobs, he'll tell me all about it. In detail. I guess that'll have to do until I get a girlfriend of my own. I've got my eye on Abby DuPree, so we'll see what happens when I make my move.