Arr, Matey. (That's how I'd say hi if I were a pirate.)

They're holding try-outs for the school play next week. They're doing Path of the Elf Sorcerer. Serenity McPherson is gonna be playing Princess Peyton'born, so if I got to be Declan'os I'd get to kiss her! Last time I tried out for a play, though, I had to be the stupid gerbil, so it's probably not worth the gamble.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Parker Young, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my mashed potatoes at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.