Greetings from Distant Lands!

It must be real exciting to get to fight ogres and monsters all the time! I've only ever seen one ogre -- Mr. Nicholson, my Geography teacher. He's got a big pot belly and snaggly teeth and hair growing out of his ears and he's real grumpy all the time, so I'm pretty sure he's an ogre. He made me stay after class and wax the blackboard because I couldn't remember the name of some dumb river. If you're ever in town, I'll find out where he lives so you can hit him with your sword. That'll teach him! Ha ha ha, see what I did there?

You'll never guess what my buddy Stevie Jacobson showed me after school today. He had this magazine that he said his dad keeps hidden under a mattress, and he totally stole it. So, he opens the magazine and there's this big fold-out poster in the middle, and... The poster was this big list of instructions for arranging model robots. I don't know why you'd hide a magazine like that, and I'm not sure why I was so disappointed. Go fig.