We had to take a physical fitness test in school today. It sucked! I had to run laps until I felt like my spleen was going to explode, and then I couldn't do any pull-ups and Coach Madison called me a lard-ass. I'll bet he's just mad that he didn't make the volleyball team when he was in school, the jerk.

They're holding try-outs for the school play next week. They're doing Fall of the River People. Fiona Caldwell is gonna be playing Princess Fiona'os, so if I got to be Logan'orm I'd get to kiss her! Last time I tried out for a play, though, I had to be the stupid parakeet, so it's probably not worth the gamble.

Mom made pound cake for dinner again. Yuck! She said I couldn't go play Zombie Island 11 until I'd cleaned my plate, so I had to choke it down. When I grow up I'm just gonna eat Crazy Orange Shrapnel for every meal!