Mom kept pestering me to scour the furnace while I was playing Resident Rising 15 today. I tried to tell her I was in the middle of a boss fight, but she made me do it anyway. She said "If your best friend picked his nose and ate it, Hallmark." I have no idea what she's talking about when she says stuff like that. Sometimes I wonder if I'm adopted.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Mason Garfunkel, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my bacon bits at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.