We had to write a book report for school, so I did mine on issue 15 of The Astonishing Trace Noir. It's my favorite one coz it's the first appearance of The Pirate Bats. Mrs. Crawford said that wasn't appropriate material for a book report and gave me a D. She's just jealous coz all the books she has to read are really boring! I bet she's never even heard of The Fantastic Patrol!

I heard that all the cool kids over there are trading little green army men. I think it sounds a little fat, but maybe I'll give it a try.

After school, I usually hang out with my friends, unless they ask me if I want to do drugs. Then I say, "I like you, but I don't like drugs. Let's collect stamps instead!" That usually cures my problem of having any friends.