I got clobbered at Quidditch practice today, because I was watching the cheerleaders practice nearby -- mainly Fiona Velazquez, but they all look amazing. I'm really jealous of Mason, the only guy cheerleader. He gets to lift the girls up by their butts and all sorts of stuff! I have no idea how he manages to concentrate on the routines.

That big bully Ollie Taylor took my lunch money and tore up my copy of The Inscrutable Grant Danger and the Ninja Cloud today. I hate him so much! Mr. Whitaker says if you ignore a bully, he'll lose interest. My dad says that's a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word) and that the only way to deal with a bully is to smash his pancreas in. He's really big though! Maybe I should take some bimbor-fu lessons.