My mom totally spied through all my stuff and took all of the best issues of The Amazing Pippin and the Sepia Fellows, can you believe it! I mean, sure, there's that scene where the guy gets his gall bladder punched through with a railroad spike, but c'mon. I'm mature enough to handle that.

My mom says I should hang out with the new kid at school. His name's Parker Buck, if you can believe it. His mom packs him these weird organic lunches and when he gets close to peanuts, he swells up like a balloon. It's kind of a cool trick. I dunno. He's kind of a Poindexter, but I'm trying. I even traded him my taco rolls at lunch yesterday for one of his gluten-free vegetable protein smoothies. I should get a medal.