We had to take a physical fitness test in school today. It sucked! I had to run laps until I felt like my kidney was going to explode, and then I couldn't do any pull-ups and Coach Woodward called me a scrofulous varlet. I'll bet he's just mad that he didn't make the foursquare team when he was in school, the jerk.

Today Stevie Dawson came over after school and I showed him my pet Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, Spot. He said that was a dumb name and said I should've named it Tiger, but what does he know? He named his pet parakeet Jake, and that's just ridiculous.