Meet the Hobos
(special thanks to John Hodgman)

Normal: Hondo Young, the Vestigial Man

Hot: J. B. "The Back Burner" Hathaway, the Red-Hot Poker

Cold: Walter "Icemaker" Wallace

Stench: Hilary Clinton, the Fustulent Crack

Spooky: Deathly Emil McNichols, the Dead Man Walking

Sleazy: Risqué Gustav "Flagrant Jim" DuPree

Crimbo: Have Yourself a Merry Little Newtonuil, the Sleigh Bell Ringer

The Hoboverlord sez: Which milk? Tell ME which milk. Growl... Watch out!... I bought the motorcycle, but I did not dance with the pastry.

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