After your quiet hometown of Quirm was attacked by thieves and, despite your young age, you were forced to take up arms to defend it, you decided that the life of a Fighter was the life you were looking for. It would be a long and difficult road, but it sure beat the heck out of being a chambermaid like your father wanted.

Having heard many rumors about how Bafflesbury was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding dire dwarves (who had already looted and burned the villages of Bobcat, Cabbagetown, and Stubborn Mule), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the nipple of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test.

Everything was going great until you got your bung caught in a antlion pit and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it.

But, you put on your brave face, and made your way through the caverns and caves to where the Vampire Overlord Englebert held court over his horde of cunning gypsies, and with uncountable swings of your sack of doorknobs (and a few well-placed attacks of opportunity), you finally slew the horrible douchebag and rode back to town to claim your glory (and reward).

Loot:endless flagon of accountant jell-o shots
extra-sharp knife of zombie slaying
lizard-scented eyeguard of mediocrity