Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Pinochle is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief.

In the fiefdom of Nickelodeon, in the unpleasant-smelling backwater of Mudhole, you found an inn with cheap stout and spent the night carousing. There, you heard a tale of the forgotten treasure of the Amethyst Forests, lost for ages during the time of the great alignment. You decided to seek the treasure yourself, heedless of the literal mountain of skeletons of those who had tried before you.

You had a good handle on it but then you wandered into a room totally full of lizardmen, plus a gazebo, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though.

But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to scour all the banana slug in your hometown of Cold Crick. So you kept going, right into the tannery of the evil Devil Lord Hasslehoff. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your kidney handed to you.

Loot:ring of irascibility
socks of unstoppable polyamory
+5 10' pole of lizardman slaying