| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Simon, but you grew tired of having to exfoliate the floors and muck out the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. Having heard many rumors about how Waltermatthau was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding dire dwarves (who had already looted and burned the villages of Whacking, Spazmotic, and Mondale), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the solar plexus of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test. You were doing a wicked job until you got attacked by more dark elves than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your head intact! But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your club, and cut your way through the hordes of dark elves that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Fire King Baaaal, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost stepchild, but you killed the smartass anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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