It was hard growing up as a "seamstress"'s son in the tiny hamlet of Malph, in the land of Bacon. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.)

You headed off into the wild wilderness of Waxton in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Nickelodeon you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Grand Vizier's sexy roommate had been kidnapped by hobgoblins, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest.

It wasn't a thing until you got your ankle caught in a spiked pit and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it.

But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your bardiche, and cut your way through the hordes of desperados that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Demon Necromancer Xxyrg, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost stepsister, but you killed the airhead anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!

Loot:endless flagon of badger barley wine
extra-sharp kneepads of infravision
deck of cantankerous puppy control