You always knew that the village of Cold Crick wasn't big enough for you -- after all, it was just the one hut, and it was a small one. So, when you came of age, you decided to make a name for yourself as a Fighter. (You parents never gave you a name. You were hoping for "Harry".)

Having heard many rumors about how Kilmer was being systematically sacked by a band of marauding gunslingers (who had already looted and burned the villages of Bobcat, Dogspittle, and Buttole), and the ludicrous reward being offered for the lower back of their leader, you decided it was finally time to put your mettle to the test.

You weren't having any problems until you got your head caught in a succubus and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it.

Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless orcs and ents -- even a cockatrice! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Dragon Knight Arc'klor, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a beartrap with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Yarbleshire and claimed your reward.

Loot:scythe of fishy misogyny
extra-visible gauntlets of elephant control
+1 crossbow of telepathy