At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Pete, but you grew tired of having to rake the floors and muck out the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own.

In the fiefdom of Bacon, in the unpleasant-smelling backwater of Buttole, you found an inn with cheap lager and spent the night carousing. There, you heard a tale of the forgotten treasure of the Topaz Oceans, lost for ages during the time of the great rain of %pluralanimals. You decided to seek the treasure yourself, heedless of the literal mountain of skeletons of those who had tried before you.

You were rocking the house up until the part where you found yourself trapped between a swinging razor-sharp pendulum and a crocodile's mouth, with a roper bearing down upon you. That strawberry was pretty delicious, but it's didn't really make up for the damage to your foot.

Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless orcs and jerks -- even a roper! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Terror Warlock Warhamster, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a lava pool with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Flanders and claimed your reward.

Loot:miscellaneous backpack of polyamory
bone china helm of mead
silver socks of invisibility

Another!