| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Cal, but you grew tired of having to scour the floors and exfoliate the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. As you wandered the back alleys of Malph (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned owlry. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Tan Black knife. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the Poo-bah's lost Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, Snuggleface. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got your arm caught in a succubus and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to filter all the puppy in your hometown of Sudoku. So you kept going, right into the tallow rending plant of the evil Knight Xxyrg. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your nipple handed to you.
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