| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Flying Saucer the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Shuntington Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Kappa of Diamond and could set out to make your fortune. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Frog, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of root beer. He told you about the great plague of cows that had beset the entire region of Blurstishire, and of the rumor that the evil Overlord Diabolicus was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you had to actually go in the dungeon. That was when you fell in a gelatinous cube, got attacked by accountants, and got your arse bitten off by a beholder. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's ruin, dispatching barbarians left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Ice Giant Badfella. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your brass knuckles into his arse. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil creep was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Goldthwaitia.
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