| Life was hard as a young man growing up in the city of Waltermatthau, and it became even harder when you had your heart stolen by a fat, tattooed tavernkeep. You became a Thief, in order to steal it back (with interest). Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Mudhole. There, you met a knight's skeletal aunt, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Sapphire Stork. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. It was pretty easy, until you got lost in a tomb -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet battleaxe +1 in a mimic's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some jerks into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the lower back. You holed up in a small storeroom with a lockable door, and spent several weeks resting until your hitpoints were back to full. Then, keeping a careful eye out for accountants, you made your way to the lair of Fire Devil Lord Ribmonkey and the object of your quest. You thought he nearly had you when he summoned a foul wisteria slaad to his aid, but you put paid to the beast with your pike and knocked the villain screaming into a gelatinous cube with a well-placed kick to the skull. At last, the treasure was yours!
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