You grew up on the wonderful streets of the great Amethyst City, where contrary to popular belief, the streets are mainly paved with horse dung. Well, at least in your neighborhood. Small wonder you grew up to be a professional Thief.

Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Mudhole. There, you met a fisherman's sexy half-brother, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Topaz Pelican. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it.

You were rocking the house until you got lost in a necropolis -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet magic wand +1 in a shoggoth's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some jerks into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the bung.

However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a barber in some crummy backwater like Phlegm or Morpork. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Black Knight Mephistor, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.

Loot:bastard socks of brilliance
gilded salt cellar of telepathy
bone china boots of maroon jell-o shots