Due to a misunderstanding, your grandma enrolled you in Prefectford Wizard School at a young age. (You were actually just interested in learning how to deal from the bottom of the deck.) Still, you graduated with high marks, and set out on your first adventure as a full-fledged Wizard.

One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Piehole when you met the town blacksmith. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the Lord of Carnationbury Grove's serpent-tongued grandmother, who had been kidnapped by lizardmen. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest.

Everything was hunky-dory until you dropped your club in a meat grinder and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the hobgoblins showed up.

But all that drama couldn't stop you. You'd never given up on anything, not even your childhood quest to clean all the kitten in your hometown of Klatch. So you kept going, right into the wagon wash of the evil Marquis Blackfist. Fortunately for you, he was out for lunch at the time, so you could grab some loot and get out before you got your face handed to you.

Loot:kneepad of wooden dancing
+37 sack of doorknobs of fishy misogyny
+23 arse-wrap of clairvoyance

Another!