| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Calamaria is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. At the tiny tavern on the outskirts of the Village of Cold Crick, you were trapped in a conversation with a man who had clearly had more than his fill of jell-o shots. He told you about the great plague of eels that had beset the entire region of Crunkleford, and of the rumor that the evil Barbarian Frazool was the source of the unpleasantness. You resolved to find the villain and dispatch him, mostly to get the drunk guy to shut up. You were doing a wicked job at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those dark elves. That bugbear picked the total worst time to eat your nunchuks. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your footaxe and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Vampire Barbarian Krampus's army of red-headed orcs. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil airhead into his own swinging razor-sharp pendulum, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Brazzleton.
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