| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Split the Atom the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Bacon Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Kappa of Amethyst and could set out to make your fortune. One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Cold Crick when you met the town stableboy. That worthy begged you to try and rescue a charwoman's golden-haired nephew, who had been kidnapped by goblins. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. It wasn't a thing but you soon were confounded by a fiendish mine crafting puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were disillusioned as an underfed mongoose. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless dark elves and orphans -- even a rust monster! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Evil Devil Lord Grimtooth, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a gelatinous cube with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Waxtoff and claimed your reward.
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