| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Rusty Nail, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as what the last digit of pi is. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Blurstishire, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Piehole, and heard the local farmhand talking about the ancient strip mall that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Amber Idol of Evilthing that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. Everything was going great until you had to actually go in the dungeon. That was when you fell in a lava pool, got attacked by dire dwarves, and got your calf bitten off by a mind flayer. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a village idiot in some crummy backwater like Mondale or Madlib. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Terror Overlord Krampus, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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