| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Coney Island is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Reeves in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Calamaria you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Earl of Claremont's skeletal half-brother had been kidnapped by dire dwarves, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were rocking the house until you got your kidney caught in a cheese-grater and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. However, you managed to overcome the odds (and your injuries), and after a lengthy crawl through a dungeon infested with hobos, you finally came upon the lair of the Dark Necromancer Grunwold, who was guarding the object of your quest. The evil fiend fell before your crossbow, and the land was finally free of his foul shenanigans. You made your way back to civilization, and basked in the glory of your success (and the reward money).
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