| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Morcestecershire is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Pitlick when you met the town town crier. That worthy begged you to try and rescue the blacksmith's golden-haired second cousin, who had been kidnapped by desperados. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. It wasn't a thing but then you wandered into a room totally full of orphans, plus a roper, which is weird because you would have figured they'd have killed each other. They made a pretty good attempt at killing you, though. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your "Rod of Lordly Might" (if you know what I mean), and cut your way through the hordes of gangsters that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Vampire Lawyer Krampus, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost grandmother, but you killed the yokel anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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