| Life was hard as an orphan on the streets of Piehole, without a father or mom to teach you right from wrong. On the other hand, you wouldn't have grown up to be such a talented Thief otherwise. One fateful day, you were strolling through the quiet village of Spazmotic when you met the town village idiot. That worthy begged you to try and rescue a charwoman's golden-haired nephew, who had been kidnapped by gangsters. Having little to do except save the world from an evil sorcerer or whatever, you took the quest. You were rocking the house at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those tramps. That mind flayer picked the total worst time to eat your morningstar. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless dark elves and jerks -- even a gazebo! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Death Devil Lord Mephistor, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a vending machine with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Schmalbion and claimed your reward.
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