| Lacking the patience to be a Mage and the brawn to be a Fighter, you decided to be the next best thing: a professional chef. Sadly, your recipe for fried flan was unappreciated by the plebes in your tiny hometown of Cheddarwurst, so you became a professional Thief instead. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Spazmotic. There, you met the town crier's serpent-tongued homie, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Emerald Cat. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You had a good handle on it until you got your lower back caught in a iron maiden and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's sewer, dispatching bullywugs left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Evil Giant Diablolo. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your mace into his ear. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil dork was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Schmalbion.
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