| As a baby you were stolen from your parents by a band of dire dwarves and raised in a dark and wild factory. They regarded you as one of their own, but the time came for you to make your own name as a professional Thief. As luck would have it, you found yourself wandering through the sleepy village of Cheddarwurst just as the village people (you know, the construction worker, the cop, the Indian) were beset by the evil Sorcerer Mephistor, who had poisoned the town's budgie population. Against your better judgment (and with the hope of fat loot to come), you agreed to try and bring the villain to justice. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got your kidney caught in a cheese-grater and had to gnaw it off to escape. Fortunately, you don't need that to be a hero... but you will sort of miss it. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your Greyhawk Army knife and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Dragon Giant Evilthing's army of skeletal hobgoblins. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil poseur into his own succubus, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Schmalbion.
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