| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Three Leaf Clover the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Routh Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Lambda of Ruby and could set out to make your fortune. As you wandered the back alleys of Piehole (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned library. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Octarine Grim blood. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the barman's lost hamster, Cuddles. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum until you got lost in a tomb -- all the walls looked exactly the same! You did find a sweet morningstar +1 in a shoggoth's lair, though, and were able to intimidate some orphans into telling you where their boss's hideout was. Right before they stabbed you in the thigh. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a farmhand in some crummy backwater like Piehole or Madlib. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Frost Lord Hatredfibula, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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