| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Stoatsford is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Pig-in-a-Poke. There, you met the village idiot's comely second cousin, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Amber Stork. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. Everything was hunky-dory but you soon were confounded by a fiendish escort-the-fragile-toddler puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were incensed as an underfed guinea pig. Fortunately, "giving up" isn't in your dictionary (probably because it's two words), so you persevered. You fought your way through countless jocks and hobgoblins -- even a flesh golem! But eventually you found the lair of the sinister Evil Marquis Mephistor, and were able to defeat him by knocking him into a awkward conversation with a lucky critical hit. Bruised but successful, you made it back to the nearby city of Routh and claimed your reward.
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