| As a child, you exhibited a normal of unusual talents, including the ability to Warp Drive the first day you picked up a yo-yo. So your parents, creeped out by your paranormal abilities, enrolled you in Stoatsford Wizard School. Before long, you earned your Alpha of Gold and could set out to make your fortune. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Wibbleshire in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Flabbernathy you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Lord of Cavill's squat daughter had been kidnapped by gnolls, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were doing a awesome job until you had to fend off half a dozen gangsters with your kidney trapped in a crocodile's mouth. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the lich showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your pike and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Dark Necromancer Diabolicus's army of simple hobgoblins. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil buttface into his own antlion pit, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Crunkleford.
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