| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Cabbagetown, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as who invented the paperclip. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Flansburgh, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Phlegm, and heard the local cook talking about the ancient tomb that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Gold Idol of Hasslehoff that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. You had a good handle on it until you dropped your entrenching tool in a succubus and couldn't get it back out. Wouldn't you know it, that was when the badgers showed up. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's dungeon, dispatching orphans left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Dark Lawyer Dave. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your sword into his nipple. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil butthole was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Brazzleton.
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