| It was hard growing up as a serf's son in the tiny hamlet of Phlegm, in the land of Winklesbury. The other children mocked you because of your glasses and asthma, but you would have the last laugh when you grew up to be a mighty Wizard! (Which you did.) Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Cold Crick. There, you met a farmer's tattooed son, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Diamond Bat. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house until you got attacked by more accountants than you could handle. You were lucky to get out of there with your neck intact! But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your pike, and cut your way through the hordes of desperados that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Frost Giant Mephistor, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost homie, but you killed the yokel anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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