| At an early age, you were apprenticed to the Great Wizard Bert, but you grew tired of having to muck out the floors and scour the alchemical equipment day in and day out. So, you stole a spellbook and took off to become a Wizard on your own. As you wandered the back alleys of Cowpat (and let's face it, most of that place is back alleys), a hand covered your mouth while a blade pushed gently at your ribs. You let yourself be dragged into a pitch-dark abandoned library. A sultry female voice introduced herself as Cobalt Fear grip. She asked you to undertake a quest to recover the Lord of Glameroth's lost Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, Rex. Reasoning it was the best quest you'd get until you leveled up a bit, you agreed to help. You were doing a killer job until you had to fend off half a dozen ents with your ear trapped in a crocodile's mouth. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the gazebo showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. Bruised but unbroken, you readied your magic wand and marched forth into the darkness, where you were immediately captured by the Vampire Lawyer Xxyrg's army of nubile gangsters. They hauled you before their master, but got bored and wandered off during his long gloating speech. Seeing your chance, you pushed the evil smartass into his own meat grinder, and escaped to claim your reward from the grateful people of Bacon.
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