| Ever since you were a little boy, you wanted to become a mighty pirate and sail the seven seas, looting and plundering. Unfortunately, the country of Farnsworthington is totally land-locked, so you had to settle for being a Thief. As luck would have it, as you were passing through the land of Wibbleshire, you stopped at the inn in the quiet hamlet of Pittsburgh, and heard the local seamstress talking about the ancient pyramid that the town had (perhaps ill-advisedly) been built next to, and the fantastic Gold Idol of Diablolo that was purported to be hidden there. Without bothering to ask why nobody had managed to recover it already, you set out on your very first quest. You were rocking the house until you had to fend off half a dozen indigent native tribesmen with your neck trapped in a cookie jar. Fortunately, most of them ran away when the hellhound showed up, and you played dead until it left. That's not very heroic, but hey, it worked. However, you knew you'd never be a mighty adventurer if you let a little setback like that stop you, and damned if you were going to end up a "seamstress" in some crummy backwater like Molehill or Madlib. So you pressed onward until you discovered the lair of the Dragon King Grunwold, and after a long and dramatic battle you successfully put an end to his evil ways. And then you looted the hell out of his hideout.
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