| Ever since you were a child in the meager village of Malph, you wanted to become a great Wizard and learn the great mysteries of the universe, such as why old sitcoms are never as good as you remember them being. The answer turned out to not be very interesting, but by that time you were a Wizard anyway. You headed off into the wild wilderness of Limberford in search of adventure, and upon your arrival at the great city of Flabbernathy you heard a town crier shouting about how the the Poo-bah's skeletal niece had been kidnapped by skeletons, and the massive reward for their rescue. Not wanting to get in the way of the plot railroad, you set out on your new quest. You were kickin' ass and chewin' bubblegum at first, but you didn't expect to have to bareknuckle-fight all those thieves. That bugbear picked the total worst time to eat your club. But, unwilling to let that keep you from glory, you gritted your teeth and wielded your shillelagh, and cut your way through the hordes of gunslingers that stood between you and your goal. At last you found the lair of Ice Barbarian Hasslehoff, who quite unexpectedly turned out to be your long-lost grandfather, but you killed the bimbo anyway. And thus was the land freed from tyranny, and you earned yourself a fat reward!
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