| Life was hard as an orphan on the streets of Dropseat, without a son or girlfriend to teach you right from wrong. On the other hand, you wouldn't have grown up to be such a talented Thief otherwise. Your life changed one day, changed irrevocably -- and perhaps not for the better -- when you were wandering down the quaint bucolic dusty paths of the tiny farming village of Madlib. There, you met a farmer's buxom roommate, who gave you broad hints as to the last known location of the long-lost Emerald Hamster. Recognizing the street value of such a rare treasure, you set off to find it. You were rocking the house but you soon were confounded by a fiendish sliding-block puzzle, and by the time you figured out to solve it, you were agitated as an underfed cat. Nevertheless, you fought your way through evil overlord's sewer, dispatching kobolds left and right, and finally arrived at the throne room of the Ice Necromancer Hasslehoff. After a long and dramatic battle, you plunged your "Rod of Lordly Might" (if you know what I mean) into his throat. The entire dungeon unexpectedly began to collapse as soon as the evil hayseed was dead, but you managed to escape with your life, and claimed your reward from the grateful people of Shamablamaroth.
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