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Wednesday, January 31, 2001
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Tuesday, January 30, 2001
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Unlikely Uses of the Phrase "Dese Nuts"
"I need to call an exterminator, as my house has been infested
with a pesky swarm of dese nuts."
"One of the most impressive aspects of Edward Scissorhands was
Burton's poignant use of dese nuts and winter imagery."
"Give me liberty or give me 'dese nuts.'"
"The logical expression ~(A & ~A) is a tautology, and therefore
equivalent to the expression 'dese nuts'"
"Dese nuts have recently opened up a lucrative IHOP
franchise."
Reasons George Washington Would Not Make It In Today's World
"Officer, I cannot tell a lie. I do know how fast I was going, and it was in
excess of 100 miles per hour."
"Boss, I cannot tell a lie. I spent about 90% of this week screwing around on the
web instead of working."
"Honey, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, that dress does make you look fat."
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Saturday, January 27, 2001
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Jason and the Ughnaughts
"What? What are you talking about? There's no land in sight. And
anyway, it's 'Land Ho,' not 'Lando.'"
"Gods be praised! The Fleece! Oh, wait, that's not the fleece.
It's some hideous golden severed head. Hey! Stop tossing that around!
It might be dangerous!"
"I certainly wish you had been featured more prevalently in The
Empire Strikes Back, so I'd have more clever things to say. May your
soul rot in Hades, George Lucas.
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Thursday, January 25, 2001
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El Perezoso sez: Here's some sound advice from Bjorn the Mighty
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Wednesday, January 24, 2001
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Today's content is "Do it yourself." To get you started,
here's some graph paper.
El Perezoso sez: And by the way, we'll be back. We're as disgusted with the recent
dearth of content as y'all are. Look for exciting goodies tomorrow. No, really.
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Tuesday, January 23, 2001
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Saturday, January 20, 2001
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El Perezoso sez: All of our deviant adolescent fantasies about Batgirl
and Wonder Woman, destroyed.
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Thursday, January 18, 2001
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Wednesday, January 17, 2001
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Tuesday, January 16, 2001
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Saturday, January 13, 2001
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Ways In Which Women Have Scarred Me
by Troy
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This is the scar I got when I was brought into this cruel,
cruel world, by a woman.
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This scar is from when a woman shanked me with a can opener for no reason.
Of course, her claim is that it was just an instinctive reaction to
being drunkenly put in a headlock, but take it from me: women will tell
you just about anything.
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This is the scar I got when a woman talked me into putting out a cigarette
on the back of my hand. I still can't believe the nerve of that woman.
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This scar is from the time some guy bumped into me in a bar with a cigarette.
You might think this isn't because of a woman, but you'd be wrong -- the only
reason I was at the bar was to meet chicks!
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Thursday, January 11, 2001
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Wednesday, January 10, 2001
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Saturday, January 06, 2001
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El Perezoso sez: Umm, we're kind of busy, kids. Why not go
somewhere else?
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Thursday, January 04, 2001
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El Perezoso sez: Y'know, I think the one thing that makes every
human being the same is that we all get really angry when we're treated by
a Medieval barber/surgeon. I mean, if you bleed us, are we not pricks?
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Wednesday, January 03, 2001
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Tuesday, January 02, 2001
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Joke Time!
starring:
Captain Crotch
Q: What was the geek's New Year's Resolution?
A: 1024x768
El Perezoso sez: Fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen.
You're about
to get a rare peek behind the scenes at the asymmetric.net offices. Drum
roll, please...
That's right. An archive of every single thing that has been written on
our whiteboard
for the last year. Every thought, every idea, the fruits of every
brainstorming session,
laid out before your eyes.
No need to thank us. Your continued patronage in the face of catastrophic
laziness
is thanks enough.
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