Thank you for purchasing the
OfficeMaster™
ergonomic office chair.
So that you may have the best and safest possible experience with your
OfficeMaster™ ergonomic office chair, please pay close attention to the following
important safety instructions and feature descriptions.
If you're extremely lazy, you can use the swiveling seat of your OfficeMaster™ chair to make it easier for you to do the Twist.
If you're confused by the plastic bag your OfficeMaster™ chair came packaged in, why not crawl inside for a better look?
Why not try to impress that hottie down in Human Resources with the old "Hey, check me out! I'm the meat in an OfficeMaster™ and cinder-block sandwich!" trick?
Your OfficeMaster™ chair may become jealous if it hears too many stories about other OfficeMaster™ chairs which get to engage in fun activities such as off-roading. Please refrain from telling your OfficeMaster™ chair such stories.
If some punk bitch steps to you, and the need arises for you to get Transylvanian on his or her ass, the base of your OfficeMaster™ chair doubles as a convenient impaling spike. Word.
If you hold an egg in front of your OfficeMaster™ chair, a cock ring, a pomegranate, and a golf tee will emerge from the back of the chair. We're not quite sure why this happens.
